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Heavy Thoughts

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When I was younger, I was into the gutter punk scene because it was totally anti-status-quo.  We were dirty because we tried to save water, we wore found clothes to avoid "being a consumer", we dumpster dove for food and shared with friends, we squatted abandoned buildings to give them purpose, and we drank a lot to drown out all the stupidity around us. We were rejects from our families who bought into the"American Dream": that if you worked hard, you could attain anything. We knew that wasn't true, and that our national over-consumption was killing the planet.

There was never a group of people I felt more comfortable with. Too bad many of them are no longer with us. Living in reality is sometimes too much for those who let themselves feel.

To stay with the living, I have had to change a lot. I also realized I can't change anyone but myself. However, it's just not enough and I sometimes get frustrated (and have to practice kindness!). I know the way things are going on this planet are not good... the duality of knowing better and not changing anything is ripping this world apart. This can bring me to the brink of depression that I fight so hard against.
Sewing strips together for the Jellyfish Hexie Quilt
When I feel like this... I sew. I've been sewing a lot! I feel like I want to stitch the world back together. Lately, I've been picturing all the all the different fabric colors as people... and how, if connected, we could celebrate our contrasts instead of having to fight because of them. I stitch with love because that's what I want people to see when they see my quilts. I also want them to see how all fabrics can work together: old and new, bright and neutral, busy and low-volume, cheap and expensive.

Yeah... I'm a utopian dreamer. It's true. But it's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes - to think that maybe possibly we could start working together instead of finding differences to divide us apart... and just maybe we can put the value of human life above the value of the dollar.

Thanks for letting me vent my heavy thoughts! I already feel better.



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